seriously, so blessed

thank you bags for introducing me to this blog: seriouslysoblessed.blogspot.com. i don't know if it will be funny to those of you who aren't lds and have never lived in utah but for those of you that have, read away. i was dying. i think it's written by a guy but i can't tell. almost funnier than the blog itself are the angry comments left by people that (unbelievably) don't understand that the blog is a joke. 

don't be fooled, she is a lethal killing machine.

Just kidding. This is my niece, Avery. I don't know what I thought she would look like before she was born. I was half hoping she would have brown eyes and curly brown hair - like she should have had with Danielle and Trav for parents - but it looks like she will be a blue-eyed blondie like myself and I couldn't be happier. I don't think she could be any prettier. And please notice those rolls on her arm. If there's something us Barrus' do well it's being soft. 

where babies come from

wanna hear something funny?

if yes = keep reading
if no = really?

today sam, who is 4, approached me as i was trying to get some chocolate out of his white shirt. in lieu of this shirt he had chosen to wear a large boyscout shirt, half tucked into his underwear, and was sporting a yellow barrette in the mohawk of his white hair that i had sculpted at his request. he stared at me for a moment soberly and then asked,

"messa, do you have a baby?"

"nope, i don't have a baby."

"do you want to have a baby?"

"yeah, i do want one."

"can you get one at the store?" (ah, if only it were that easy)

"no, you can't really buy babies," pausing briefly to consider if adoption was outside the scope of this conversation. i decided it was. "mom's grow babies in their tummies, just like when your mom grew ben in her tummy." (ben is his 15 month-old brother)

"do you want to put ben in your tummy and grow him?"

i couldn't decide if he was being compassionate or just trying to get rid of his little brother but either way it's apparent that even a 4 year-old can pick up on my baby hunger.

sam also asked his mom about what "those things" were on her chest. she explained that women have them to feed babies milk. ever the opportunist, sam then asked if she could make juice or sprite come out of them also.

on a sidenote i ate only dinner rolls and chocolate chips for dinner.

my mind is blown and then unblown

naturally my curiosity was piqued when i saw the title of this oprah show, first tv interview: the pregnant man. oprah is pretty high-profile these days with the likes of politicians and celebrities jumping in her couch, i figure this must be legit. so i'm thumbing through an article about this man and come to a part where it says that he was artificially inseminated from a donor. i wonder, "why doesn't he just use his own sperm?" and then it dawns on me that something is very wrong here.

i read further to find out that thomas (formerly tracy) was born a female - and by all accounts still is a female albeit with testosterone injections and mens clothing. needless to say i'm very disappointed and feel duped to discover that what i thought was a groundbreaking aberrant work of nature is really just a lesbian couple, one-half of which looks like a man and if you've noticed, is pretty much par for the course in lesbian couples. tune in on thursday to meet the grandmother with a 15 inch waist.

my mind is blown

has anyone else heard of the bacteria computer? is that hard to wrap your mind around? it is for me. read this.

just another day at the office

if i wrote down all the funny things that happened at work every day i'd have enough to fill a book. the bulk of these funny things come from sam, who just turned 4 last week. for his birthday he asked for black flip-flops and white "inbisible" (invisibility). his grandma got him a pirates of the caribean swimsuit along with his flip-flops and it took me literally 5 days until i could convince him to take off the swimsuit long enough for me to wash it.

the bathroom and bodily functions are generally the topic of discussion with 5 boys under 13 in the house but especially with sam because he is (finally) getting the hang of using the toilet. today i went into the bathroom and heard him calling me,

"messa where are you?"

"i'm in the bathroom."

he jiggles the door handle but i have locked it.

"can i come in messa?"

"no, i'm going to the bathroom. what do you need sammy?"

he sits outside the door.

"are you going pee or poo?"

"pee."

"oh. are you still going?"

"nope, i'm done now."

"are you going to flush the toilet?"

"yep."

"can i come in now?"

to be fair i ask sam a lot of questions when he has to go to the bathroom too... this was another funny conversation sam and i had the other day,

"messa, who farted?"

"um... you?"

"yeah." he laughs

"do you like to fart messa?"

"um, yeah." hadn't thought about this before...

"me too."

yesterday the 6 year-old jake asked me to pull his tooth out. when you are in kindergarten losing teeth is somewhat a status symbol as it gets you attention from the teacher and other kids. so jake was getting antsy for his wiggly front tooth to come out. all the string we had was in the form of dental floss and when i went to slam the door it just slipped off his tooth. i think i was more scared than jake was. he wanted me to pull it out with my fingers but i was too afraid i would hurt him so i gave him an apple to bite into. that didn't work either so i'll have to be more creative tomorrow.

what was your day at work like?

if someone asks, this is where i'll be

in case you are confused by the sometimes incongruousness between my blog titles and the actual content of the blog it is because the titles are usually lyrics from songs that may or may not have any relevance to the actual blog itself but seem to "fit" somehow to me. (i don't know if quotations were necessary just then...)

if there were one song i could draw from for all my blog titles, This Must Be the Place by the Talking Heads would be it. i don't know that i could love a song more than this one. it was written in 1983, the year i was born and that makes me like it more. it's a love song too and that makes me like it even more.

the song is featured in one of my favorite all time movies, Lars and the Real Girl. that's a whole other post but if you haven't already, go rent it. it's not dirty. without further ado here is the scene.



and the lyrics:

Artist: Talking Heads Album: Speaking in Tongues - Song Title: This Must Be The Place (Naive Melody)

Home is where I want to be
Pick me up and turn me round
I feel numb - burn with a weak heart
(So I) guess I must be having fun
The less we say about it the better
Make it up as we go along
Feet on the ground
Head in the sky
It's ok I know nothing's wrong . . nothing

Hi yo I got plenty of time
Hi yo you got light in your eyes
And you're standing here beside me
I love the passing of time
Never for money
Always for love
Cover up + say goodnight . . . say goodnight

Home - is where I want to be
But I guess I'm already there
I come home - -she lifted up her wings
Guess that this must be the place
I can't tell one from another
Did I find you, or you find me?
There was a time Before we were born
If someone asks, this where I'll be . . . where I'll be

Hi yo We drift in and out
Hi yo sing into my mouth
Out of all tose kinds of people
You got a face with a view
I'm just an animal looking for a home
Share the same space for a minute or two
And you love me till my heart stops
Love me till I'm dead
Eyes that light up, eyes look through you
Cover up the blank spots
Hit me on the head Ah ooh